"I always thought that eventually a relationship would come to end, and your imaginary would find in time surcease. But I think when you really fall in love, there seems to be something permanent that happens to you.

Perhaps whatever insight the story was making is not particularly axiomatic. Perhaps it’s just something idiosyncratic about me. But it certainly feels that way when I stand and look back at all my relationships, beginning to understand that there are a few of them that never seem to diminish, neither in my mind nor my heart. You just manage them.

Love reveals us. Profoundly and unnervingly, love reveals us. I think this is something that can often be a source of comfort and dismay. Most of us are not used to being naked. And I can’t speak to the world, but that first time you disrobe—the first time you disrobe before someone you care about—shrinks in comparison to the first time you begin to unveil your internal self.”

- Junot Díaz

junot diaz

Winter

It hasn’t stopped. Thoughts of you, some days wishful. Some days, painful. Just when I think it’s starting to stop, it comes right back.

Nights are for reflection, thoughts of why, and memories of us. In the bitter, cold crisp air, when all I can hear is breath, I’m reminded. Reminded of better days, when I was your moon and you were my stars. It’s peaceful out there. 

Nights are for reflection and wondering. Questions of where, who, when. Somewhere deep inside I must already know these answers, but most nights I choose to dream. 

All this time I thought, you must know me. But as with all truths and things that are meant to be seen, it’s in pictures and photos, quotes and poetry. She’s there too, in your thoughts of me. It’s all there now.

Where does it all go once someone moves on? The smell of each other’s skin, our scents, the way his and her hair feels when running your fingers through it. The dimples and freckles, the way he closes his eyes when you kiss him. The way he kisses you on your forehead. The way he took care of you, in the ways he knew how. Where does it all go when dreams don’t come true? Do we forget, erase these memories and replace them with new ones. Do they get pushed down, minimized and diminished when someone else comes into our life, and kisses us on the forehead in their own way. 

The whole notion of lovers, soul mates becoming complete and utter strangers, who have left behind, erased, or diminished those shared moments and dreams, is heartbreaking. None of that exists anymore. It’s just gone, like it never happened. You’re losing parts of your life that you never wanted to forget, you’re losing the one person who made everything worthwhile. If I saw you on the street tomorrow will we know each other anymore? 

"It’s like getting into a bath. But the water is like warm chocolate pudding. And The Smiths are playing “There’s a Light that Never Goes Out.” There’s warm light all over and there are like five dudes massaging you. And you have a pizza."
- Marisol Gonzales and Maritza Ramos - What is love? (via larmoyante)

oitnb